#Unsettled

Lately, I’ve found myself a confidante to friends navigating the painful terrain of dissolving long-term relationships, sometimes after decades of building a life together. It’s a stark reminder that every connection, romantic or platonic, has its peaks and valleys. But what has truly struck me is the recurring theme: escape from the clutches of a narcissist.

Perhaps it’s a fortunate intuition, but I’ve always possessed an almost visceral aversion to narcissistic energy. It’s a palpable toxicity that triggers a deep sense of unease, prompting me to maintain a safe distance. Sadly, some of my dearest friends haven’t shared this shield.

As young women, we’re often sold the fairytale of a soulmate, a whirlwind romance that sweeps us off our feet. The narcissist often arrives precisely in this guise, showering us with charm and ‘love bombing,’ a potent cocktail designed to quickly ensnare. Before we realize it, their claws are in deep, and we’re caught in their manipulative grasp.

I recall a youthful entanglement with someone I briefly believed could be ‘the one.’ Our connection felt intense, all-consuming. For months, I bent myself to his will, sidelining my own aspirations, only to be met with indifference once intimacy was established. Naive at nineteen, I mistook this emotional rollercoaster for love, believing this was simply how men were. The relationship eventually sputtered out after cycles of breakups and reconciliations, but it left an everlasting impression. I loathed the constant uncertainty and vowed never to tolerate such behavior in a partner. My direct nature, for better or worse, ensures you always know where you stand with me.

Years later, my husband showed me the true north of love: consistent openness, unwavering directness. I never question my place in his heart; his love is expressed freely and embraces my independent spirit. Listening to my friends’ stories, I can’t help but wonder if my youthful encounter was an escape from a narcissistic prison. Hindsight confirms it. I’m grateful for that relationship’s natural conclusion, crediting my escape to an innate refusal to settle for constant insecurity and self-doubt.

Now, I offer a listening ear and a supportive shoulder to friends awakening after years, realizing they too deserve more than a life of relational instability. Tragically, I’ve witnessed a heartbreaking pattern: friends bravely extricating themselves from one narcissistic relationship, only to unwittingly stumble into the arms of another. This is where my directness kicks in, often with the bluntness of hard truth. Once bitten, twice shy isn’t just a saying; it’s a survival guide. Do not, I implore them, replace one toxic void with another. Sometimes this message lands with acceptance; other times, our friendship enters a temporary hiatus. And that’s okay.

What I want you, the readers, to understand is this: you are the sovereign driver on the roads of your heart. Relationships should be a balanced exchange, not a one-sided power dynamic where your friend, partner, or anyone else holds dominion over your emotions. The need for control is the narcissist’s burden, not yours.

Have you ever navigated the treacherous waters of a narcissistic relationship? Are you currently in one, feeling the slow erosion of your self-worth? Are you deeply unhappy? If any of these questions resonate, please know that it is never too late to reclaim your power. Deep within you lies an unyielding strength that no one can extinguish. And if you need a nudge, a guiding hand to help you over that initial hump of fear and uncertainty, I am here to offer it.

Have you ever experienced this pattern?  What red flags did you miss (or see)?  What helped you break free?

#NarcissisticAbuse #ToxicRelationships #RedFlags #SelfLove #Healing #BreakTheCycle #YouDeserveBetter #Unsettled #RelationshipAdvice #EmotionalAbuse