#Unsettled

We all grew up with different styles of discipline. My mother’s approach was swift: a quick correction, a paddle, and the lesson was learned instantly. My father, however, favored the slow burn. He liked to process the offense, write down his thoughts, and then invite me to his office days later for a “little chat.”

Knowing there was no such thing as a little chat, my sister and I would make ourselves comfortable in what we affectionately dubbed “The Good Person Chair.”

I spent countless hours in that chair—particularly during my teenage years—listening to my father discuss the qualities a decent human being needed to be a valuable part of society. For the record, I wasn’t a rebellious kid; the offense could have been as minor as missing curfew. Regardless, those sessions were frequent, long, and formative.

As I grew older, I realized not everyone had a father like mine. A direct result of those chats eventually gave me comfort and the ability to confide in him about anything. He laid the groundwork, creating a safe space where I could discuss any topic without judgment. He gave me the tools to observe human behavior, self-reflect, and compartmentalize.

At the time, I rolled my eyes when the conversation began with his favorite line: “What kind of person do you want to be?” At 15, the lazy answer was always, “A good person.” He would level me with his intense stare, and I knew that wasn’t enough.

I can’t count how many times we had that conversation, but what I can say is that, as a result, I know exactly what kind of person I want to be, and it’s an ongoing, conscious journey. Yes, I want to be good, but I also want to be someone who inspires others, someone people can come to and discuss any subject without being judged. I learned to be straight-forward and direct (sometimes a little too direct), and people know it comes from a place of love.

In today’s world, it’s easy to become disillusioned and lose sight of what’s real. My skills in getting real with people—in having those deep, UnSettled discussions that turn on a light bulb for someone—all came from sitting in that chair, talking about being a contributor to society.

Now, that original chair lives in my house and is still known as the Good Person Chair. While I may not sit my own children down for the same formal sessions, I do have deep conversations with them. And yes, I have asked them what kind of person they want to be when they get older.

Like my father did for me, I have worked diligently to create a safe space for them to come and talk to me about anything. That is the most valuable inheritance he ever gave me.

Where is your safe space? Who gave you the tools to decide what kind of person you want to be? If you don’t have one, just know that there’s a big, comfy chair—the Good Person Chair—waiting for you at my house.

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