#Unsettled

I was making an Amazon return at Whole Foods last week. The line was long, the self-serve option was down, and the two dedicated workers were hustling despite the clearly disgruntled customers.

People-watching is one of my favorite pastimes. As I waited, I was fascinated by a couple who seemed to believe they were “above” having to wait. They continuously tried to speak over the workers, implying their time was more valuable than everyone else’s.

We have all dealt with entitlement, especially in affluent areas where the markers of status are everywhere. While some behaviors are dismissed as the “confidence” of a younger generation, observing this couple confirmed a critical distinction: what we often mistake for true confidence is actually the complete opposite.

I consider myself a grounded yet extremely confident person—a trait cultivated by parents who were always honest and who, crucially, allowed me to live and learn from my own mistakes. I’ve even been told my initial impression can be standoffish, sometimes mistaken for arrogance. But after five minutes, people usually conclude: She’s just really confident.

So how do we make that critical distinction between a person who knows their value and a person demanding it?

Entitlement is a crisis of confidence. It isn’t about what people have; it’s about their expectation of what they deserve without effort. This expectation becomes a paralyzing prison.

• Confidence is quiet because it is earned and secure.
• Entitlement is loud because it is demanded and constantly fighting to validate itself.

The entitled expect results without effort, refuse to take responsibility when something doesn’t go their way, and feel the urgent need to create tension to appear relevant.

As I watched the couple inside Whole Foods, I actually felt sorry for them. They woke up that day and chose to carry that kind of chaos. Instead of being grateful that two workers were trying their hardest, they chose to create anxiety.

As I approached the front of the line, the woman behind the counter kept apologizing. I simply replied, “No apology needed. You are doing a great job, and I appreciate your efforts in assisting me with my return.”

She stopped what she was doing, took a breath, gave me a mega-watt smile, and thanked me.

I left with a smile, hoping I had made her day better, but I was also still thinking about that couple. What made them like that? What taught them it was okay to treat others that way?

It doesn’t matter how affluent one is; that is not a permission slip to be indecent. Is this generational? Did our hardworking parents, who provided well for us, inadvertently shield their kids from the necessity of effort and gratitude?

Growing up, my parents instilled the importance of self-discipline and gave us chores; they never tolerated ungrateful behavior. While I know everyone hasn’t had that upbringing, it makes me wonder: isn’t it just common sense to be decent to others, regardless of the situation?

I am by no means perfect—I proudly brag about my family’s accomplishments—but I try never to confuse pride with permission to be rude.

How do you deal with entitlement? For me, the answer is always personal accountability. I try to take a step back and not let that negative energy affect me. I remind myself of my blessings and, if temptation comes, I give myself a mental attitude check and remember the core lesson:

The greatest display of confidence is treating others, especially those serving you, with gratitude. Where in your life are you demanding a result when you should be earning it? Share one area where you need to switch from entitlement to effort.  Tag a person who works hard in a service industry (retail, hospitality, education) and thank them for their quiet confidence in the face of chaos.