#Unsettled

TW: Postpartum Depression and Mental Health

I was sitting at a school event when a fellow parent sat down beside me. She’s a reader of the blog, a healthcare professional, and a mother. She leaned in and told me something that stopped me in my tracks.

“With my second baby, I didn’t love him. I felt nothing.”

She said it with a raw honesty that made my heart ache. She had the knowledge, the career, and the support—but when she held her child for the first time, she felt underwhelmed. As the weeks went by, that promised “overflow of love” never came. Instead, it was replaced by a crushing, shameful resentment.

We are sold a lie that motherhood is an instant chemical explosion of joy. But for approximately 1 in 8 women in the U.S., that isn’t the reality. In fact, nearly half of those cases often go undiagnosed.

Postpartum Depression (PPD) isn’t just “feeling sad” or “baby blues.” Sometimes, it manifests as a terrifying void. My friend looked me in the eye and said it plainly: Sometimes, mothers do not love their babies. The guilt of that statement still plagues her, even years later. She felt like a monster in a world that expects mothers to be martyrs of affection.

I thought back to my own journey. My two boys were a piece of cake. Then came my daughter. She challenged me, she pushed me to the very edge of my sanity—but through the chaos, my heart was always full. I realized then how lucky I was.  Because for so many women, the struggle isn’t just about a “difficult” baby; it’s about a chemical hijack of the brain. PPD is a thief. It steals the bond, it steals the joy, and it leaves behind a mountain of shame that half of all women never even dare to report.

This incredibly brave woman sought me out because she knew I wasn’t afraid to have the “unsettled” conversations. She wanted other women to know:

• It is not your fault.
• You are not a bad mother.
• Your hormones do not define your heart.

She came out the other side. She sought help, she leaned on her village, and today, she loves both her children fiercely. But the “mark on her soul” remains because we, as a society, make women suffer in silence.

We say “it takes a village” to raise a child, but we also need a village to save the mother.

If you are sitting in the dark right now, looking at your baby and feeling nothing but exhaustion and guilt—I see you. This woman sees you. There is light on the other side, but you have to be brave enough to ask for help.

Have you or someone you love ever felt this “void”? Why are we so afraid to talk about the dark side of the fourth trimester? Let’s start the conversation below. No judgment. Just honesty.

Immediate Help & Resources:

It takes courage to admit you’re struggling. Please use these resources immediately—they are free, confidential, and available 24/7.

• Postpartum Support International (PSI): Call or text the PSI HelpLine at 1-800-944-4773. They offer support, resources, and a “buddy system” so you don’t have to walk this alone.
• National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: Call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) for 24/7, free, confidential support.
• The Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor at any time.

To the “village” reading this: If you notice a mom in your life has gone quiet, check in. Not just on the baby, but on her. Sometimes the bravest thing a woman can do is admit she isn’t okay.