#Unsettled

I’m officially “that mom.” The one who is jealous of your summer vacation.

While you’re in Europe, I’ll be in an Orlando convention center for the fifth year in a row. We’re halfway through the school year, and “Interrogation Season” has officially begun. You know the one. It starts at the water cooler, in the school pickup line, or over a glass of wine:

“So, what are your summer plans?”

I eavesdrop on the conversations like a spy in enemy territory. One family is heading to the Amalfi Coast. Another is trekking through Japan. Someone else just booked a villa in the South of France.

And me? You’ll find me in Orlando. Again. Surrounded by the smell of hairspray and the muffled thumping of a thousand jazz squares. If you’re waiting for me to say, “And I wouldn’t have it any other way!”—hold on. Because the truth is? I’m jealous. And I’ve decided that’s actually a good thing; perhaps one of the healthiest things I’ve done all year.

For a long time, when I saw those parents who “put their foot down” and skipped the tournament for a real family vacation, I had a knee-jerk reaction. I’d think: How could they be so selfish? Their kid is going to miss a week of development! They’re letting the team down!

But if I’m being honest with myself? That wasn’t judgment. It was envy disguised as a moral high ground.

I wasn’t mad at their “selfishness.” I was jealous of their strength. I was jealous that they had the guts to say “no” to the grind and “yes” to themselves. It made me realize that the answer to “Could I skip ten days of rehearsals to go somewhere spectacular?” is actually a very simple Yes.

We’re taught that jealousy is a “green-eyed monster” we should kill. But I’m starting to think jealousy is actually a GPS. It shows you exactly where your heart wants to go.

You have the right to be jealous. It’s a natural human signal. But once you feel it, you have a choice: you can let it turn into bitterness, or you can use it as power. You have the power to change the thing you’re jealous of. Everything is within your own power.

As much as I’m “over” Orlando (and trust me, as a Floridian, I’ve seen enough of the Mouse to last three lifetimes), I realized something while scrolling through those “spectacular” Instagram stories. The power to change my summer also includes the power to re-choose my summer.

My daughter’s passion for dance is a fire we share. My husband’s love for baseball and coaching our sons is a bond they’ll carry forever. Our nest is on the fast track to being empty. Very soon, it will just be my husband and me, and  hopefully we will have all the time in the world for Greece (my absolute happy place).

Right now? My “spectacular” is watching my daughter leave it all on the stage, even if that stage is in a Hyatt ballroom.

So, this summer, I’m going to live vicariously through your Instagram pictures. I’m going to “heart” your beach photos and your mountain sunsets. I’m going to be a little bit jealous, and I’m going to be truly, deeply happy for you.

Because I know that while you’re sitting on that fancy beach, you might—just for a second—see a photo of my girl with her trophy and think, “Man, I remember that energy. I miss that grind.” (Okay, probably not, but a girl can dream!)

Jealousy doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a person with desires.

For now, I’m choosing the convention center. I’m choosing the sweat, the stress, and the Orlando humidity. But I’m keeping that jealousy in my back pocket—not as a burden, but as a reminder that when the time is right, I have the power to book the flight.

I want to hear from you: What’s your “Orlando”? Where are you spending your summer “grind” this year while everyone else is at the beach? Tell me your sport, your hobby, or your convention city in the comments—let’s be jealous and proud together.