#Unsettled

I have a rule I live by, and it’s one I’m realizing has become the unofficial manifesto of our household:

I will never say anything behind your back that I won’t say to your face.

It sounds simple. In practice? It’s an act of war against the status quo.

I was driving my daughter home from school the other day, and she was in the middle of a classic vent session. This is something I actively encourage in my family. I tell them: Feel free to vent to me anytime. Sometimes you just have to get the negativity out of your body so it doesn’t take root.

Someone at school had upset her, and she was letting me have it—loudly. But when she mentioned she’d been relaying the story to another friend, my “Mom Radar” went off.

I cut in: “Slow your roll for a second… you need to be careful what you say to other people about your friends.”

Her response was one of the most adult things I’ve ever heard. She looked at me and said:

“Mom… anything I have to say to anybody, I would say directly to their face. I don’t believe in talking behind people’s backs.”

I sat there, momentarily speechless.

I grew up in a world where gossip was the currency of high school. We whispered, we got caught, things blew up, and the drama followed us like a shadow. We were taught that “venting” behind closed doors was just what people did—an excuse to be toxic under the guise of being frustrated.

But hearing my daughter speak with that kind of clarity made me realize how freeing it is to live without that weight. She understands the difference: you can let the steam out without poisoning the well.

How did she get here? I realized it’s not just “the youth today.” It’s the atmosphere.

A few nights later, I watched my husband prepping notes for his players. He was getting ready for his one-on-one meetings. Every critique, every bit of praise, every tough observation—he was writing it down to tell them directly. He doesn’t vent to the sidelines; he speaks directly to the source.

I see it in my other two children, too. We are raising a generation of kids who are comfortable enough in their own skin to be articulate, kind, and—most importantly—open.

Is it always easy? No. Is it sometimes harsh? Absolutely.

I’ll be the first to admit: I’m 100% guilty of gossiping in the past. And even now, my directness can be a double-edged sword. Sometimes my “unfiltered” delivery doesn’t take everyone’s feelings into account as much as it should. I’m working on that—the tone, the approach, the delivery—it’s all a work in progress. But I will never apologize for the honesty itself.

In our house, we live “unsettled.”

To me, that means living outside the comfort zone of “polite” lies and backhanded whispers. It means having the “uncomfortable” conversation instead of the “easy” gossip session. It means recognizing that you can vent to get the negativity out of your system without burning the bridge behind you.

It turns out, if you lead by example and push yourself to stay unfiltered, it rubs off.

I’m not a fan of drama unless it’s on a stage. I’m not interested in beating around the bush. I am what I am—take it or leave it. You will always know where you stand with me, and apparently, I’m raising my kids to be exactly as unsettled as I am.

And honestly? I couldn’t be prouder.

I want to know: Are you a “say it to their face” person, or do you struggle with the lure of the vent session? Is “polite” honesty a lost art, or are we just afraid of the confrontation? Let’s talk about it in the comments.