#Unsettled

I was driving down to South Florida the other day when a truck glued itself to my bumper. Total tailgating. High pressure. Aggressive energy.

I was boxed in behind a wall of cars; there was absolutely nowhere to go. My friend in the passenger seat was getting a little riled up: “I can’t believe this guy! Look at how crazy he’s being!”

I looked at the mirror, then back at the road, and said something that surprised even me: “He’s irrelevant to me.”

I couldn’t speed up. I couldn’t get over. So, I just kept driving. I refused to let his “emergency” become my anxiety. I refused to dwell on what was happening behind me when my only responsibility—my only option—was the road in front of me.

Eventually, I found a gap and moved over. My “reward”? He flipped me off as he roared past, only to immediately start tailgating the car that had been in front of me.

It wasn’t about me. It was never about me. It was just him being him.

Growing up, whenever I’d get worked up over someone else’s behavior or opinions, my father would say something that has become my North Star: “They have to wake up and be them. That’s on them, not you.”

Read that again.

What other people do—their road rage, their judgments, their unsolicited opinions—is outside of your control. Why are we wasting our finite emotional currency on people who have to live with themselves 24/7? If they are miserable, they have to carry that. You don’t.

I wasn’t always this centered, I’ll be honest. It has taken me years to get here, and I’m still not 100% there. But my father’s words have always stayed with me, and I often pass that little pearl of wisdom down to my children.

When I first started UnSettled, hitting “Publish” felt like walking into traffic. I was putting my “diary” out for the world to see. I was nervous about what friends might think or if people would drop me because of my truth. In fact, even my husband paused when I published my first post, not really sure what to make of it. He asked me if these were my real thoughts. When I answered yes, it took him a couple of days to digest and process it, but he knows who I am and supports me—whether he completely agrees or not.

Sometimes I do feel like I overstep with my thoughts, but then… I think of the truck in South Florida.

If someone drops me because I’m being honest, that’s on them. They never really knew me in the first place. They are just another car in the rearview mirror, and I’m not going to sweat the small stuff while I’m trying to enjoy the drive.

We get ourselves so riled up, and for what? To match someone else’s chaotic energy?

Sometimes you have to step outside yourself, take a breath, and reflect inward. Leaving what’s behind you (other people’s opinions) and focusing on what’s in front of you (your peace, your truth) is the only thing that matters.

UnSettled has turned my “uncomfortable” into a safe space. I hope it does the same for you.

Next time someone is tailgating your peace of mind… take a breath, focus on the horizon in front of you and remember: They have to wake up and be them tomorrow. You just have to be you.

Are you dwelling on someone else’s behavior today? Is it time to let them pass so you can keep your peace? Let’s talk about it in the comments.