#Unsettled

I was at a dance competition with my daughter recently. She’s a teenager in one of the most high-pressure sports there is—one that demands a thick skin and perfection under a literal spotlight.

She was mid-solo when it happened. A slight “bobble.”

It was a tiny mistake, one only she and I would have noticed. She recovered instantly and finished the piece beautifully. But it was what happened after she walked off stage that changed my entire perspective.

When we debriefed, she told me she talks to herself out loud while performing. As she takes her first two steps to start her solo, she whispers: “This will be a clean run. This will be a smooth run.”

But when she hit that bobble? She didn’t spiral. She didn’t let the mistake pull her out of the zone. Instead, she transitioned into the next sequence and whispered to herself:

“That mistake does not define who you are.”

I felt my eyes swell with pride. How does a teenage girl have the presence of mind to forgive herself in a split second, while the rest of us spend years litigating our past failures?

My husband, who played professional sports at the highest level, was just as floored. He pointed out that even as a pro pitcher, if he made a bad pitch, he had several seconds to walk around the mound, take a breath, and reset before the next one.

In dance, there are no breaks. There is no walking off the mound. You have less than a second to decide: Does this mistake end my performance, or do I move past it?

As I digested this over the following days, my mind wandered to my own past blunders—times I was teased and how I let it affect my psyche, or even times when I was the one laughing at someone else’s expense and how hollow it made me feel afterward. We are so quick to judge others and ourselves. Human nature is to ruminate, letting a “slip of words” or a single action color our entire identity. Some never seem to break free of that cycle; it becomes their identity. But is that really their true self?

I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. My freshman year in college was “colorful,” to say the least. Having complete freedom for the first time, I tried to juggle school, dance, and an indomitable social life that—unfortunately—became the priority. I recall waking up late one afternoon after a string of nights out. I had slept the day away and accomplished nothing, despite a long to-do list.

I was upset with the person I was becoming. But in that moment, I decided to get back on track. I didn’t wallow. I chose not to live in regret. Every “bobble” on my own stage has been a learning experience that led me to the person I am today. And the truth is? I like that person.

Hearing my daughter articulate her process was the ultimate mirror. We all need a “One-Second Reset.” We need the grace to forgive ourselves and refuse to let outside influences define us.

Our imperfections aren’t just hurdles to clear—they are the very things that shape us into unique, resilient individuals. Embrace them. Your mistakes are a moment; they are not your identity.

What was your last “bobble”? Did you give yourself a second to reset, or are you still standing frozen on that stage?