#Unsettled

“Hey! How are you?” “Oh, you know… living the dream.”

We’ve all heard it. Most of us have said it. Usually, it’s delivered with that specific brand of exhausted sarcasm that acts as a mask. What we actually mean is: I’m treading water, my bank account is screaming, I haven’t brushed my hair in three days, and I’m one minor inconvenience away from a total meltdown.

I have a friend who has had a particularly brutal couple of years. Every time we talk and I ask how she’s doing, that’s her go-to line. I totally get it. I’ve felt that weight where the world feels like it’s closing in. But recently, I caught myself echoing those same words.

I realized I was projecting a “fine” version of myself because I didn’t want to bring anyone down—but I also didn’t want to lie. I was falling into a rut of performance.

In a world of curated feeds and “Pinterest-perfect” lifestyles, we feel like we have to put on a production. There’s this unspoken pressure that if we aren’t “Awesome!” or “Blessed!” then we are somehow failing.

But let’s be real: Some days—okay, a lot of days—I’m in my oldest sweats, my hair is in a messy bun that definitely isn’t “cute,” and I’m just… OK.

And I’m here to tell you: It is okay to only be OK.

You aren’t great. You aren’t bad. You’re just in the middle. That is where you happen to be at this moment, and that is enough.

We’ve all had those “internal panic” moments. Maybe you just hit ‘send’ on a mountain of bills and your stomach does a somersault. Maybe you’re staring at an overpacked schedule or a home that desperately needs an overhaul. In those moments, I whisper to myself: “It’ll be fine. Everything is fine.”

In our house, my daughter and I have a running joke for those moments. No matter the situation, we look at each other and say: “It’ll be fine. Everything is fine.” I’ve even started hearing my colleagues repeat it like a mantra. It’s funny because it’s true—things usually are fine. But “fine” and “awesome” are miles apart.

Life is like the ocean. It comes in waves, and the tides don’t care about your schedule. There are days when the depth feels terrifying, and it becomes exhausting to constantly tread water just to keep your nose above the surface.

On those days, you don’t need to be an Olympic swimmer. You don’t have to break any records. Some days, you just need to float and breathe.

Choosing joy isn’t about pretending the bad stuff doesn’t exist. It’s a conscious decision to process the negativity and then let it go. So, give yourself a permission slip ( yes – another one). Allow yourself a few moments, or even a full day, to just be. Don’t perform. Don’t pretend. If you’re treading water, just focus on keeping your head up. It’s temporary. Give yourself grace.

When you stop putting on a show for everyone else, you save all that wasted energy for yourself. When you take a step back and purposely seek out the positive—not because life is perfect, but because you are choosing gratitude—the script flips.

My younger son recently said to me after a particularly hard week: “You know Mom… whenever I’m upset, I go outside and look up. The sky is beautiful and I’m reminded how many blessings I have. I have God, my family, and friends, and I know everything will be okay.”

He’s right. Everything is going to be fine.

The next time someone asks, “How are you?” don’t feel obligated to give them a performance. If you’re just OK, say so. But keep looking for the light.

Here is the UnSettled secret: Once you stop exhausting yourself by pretending to be perfect, you suddenly have the energy to actually become great.

Take a step back. Look at the landscape of your life. Purposely seek out the one or two things that aren’t just “fine,” and lean into them. Eventually, the tide will turn. The “fine” will become real. And soon, you’ll be able to look someone in the eye and say, “I’m great”—not because you’re living a Pinterest dream, but because you finally stopped faking it and started living it.

Are you “living the dream” today, or are you just floating? What is your “internal panic” mantra? Share the phrases that keep you grounded when things get chaotic below!