#Unsettled

Redefining “The Bigger Person” as a Power Move

Lately, I’ve been focusing on listening. Observing. Taking a purposeful step back and looking—really looking—at the bigger picture.

As a mom whose children participate in competitive sports, I share a parallel line with so many of my friends: the constant presence of useless drama. It doesn’t matter what sport, club, or activity your child is involved in; there is always “noise.” And for some reason, like a moth to a flame, our natural instinct is to get involved.

I’ll admit, I’m guilty as charged sometimes. Who doesn’t love a good “dish session”? I honestly think as women, it’s ingrained in our DNA. My mother and I used to ask each other daily, “Got any gossip?” Now, when my daughter gets in the car, my first question is “How was school?” and my second is “What’s the tea?”

But there’s a fine line between spilling the tea and allowing it to dictate your day, your mood, and your energy.

We’ve all seen it. Experienced it. The hushed whispers in the lobby, the tension over front-row placements, the “did you hear what she said” cycles that repeat every season. It’s easy to let someone else’s frantic energy become your own.

We’re often told to “be the bigger person” as if it’s a heavy cross to bear. We’re taught it means staying silent while someone else is loud, or swallowing our pride while someone else is petty.

But I see it differently. Being the bigger person isn’t about being “nicer”—it’s about being faster.

When I tell my friends to “let it go,” I’m not asking them to be saints. I’m asking them to recognize that the person causing the drama is operating on a smaller map. Their world is limited to that perceived slight. To be the bigger person is to decide that your energy is too expensive to spend on an irrelevant transaction.

I have this discussion often with my daughter. She’s had to navigate some incredibly difficult friendships—situations where she was ganged up on and others tried to make her an outcast. The hardest part to swallow? Sometimes it was the moms acting as the ringleaders.

Watching your child go through that is gut-wrenching, but it forced her to grow a thick skin. It forced us both to realize that people only have the power you give them. If you view them as “the enemy,” you’ve given them a starring role in your life. If you view them as irrelevant, they lose their script.

I was walking with a girlfriend the other day and we passed an acquaintance. I smiled, said hi, and wished her a nice day. My friend—who doesn’t have a friendly history with this person—stopped me, shocked. “Did you truly mean that?” she asked.

I told her that I try to put positive energy out into the universe. That woman isn’t in my tight circle; she was in my sights for a moment, and then the moment was over. What she does or thinks is completely irrelevant to my peace. Once she’s out of my line of focus, I move on. We’re moving too fast to be slowed down by someone else’s stalled engine.

There’s a story I like to share with those close to me. It’s about an eagle being attacked by crows. The eagle doesn’t fight back; she doesn’t waste energy pecking at a smaller bird. Instead, she simply soars higher. She climbs to an altitude where the crows can’t breathe, and one by one, they fall away. The eagle simply levels up.

Raise your frequency. From 30,000 feet, the “crisis” in the lobby looks like an anthill. You aren’t ignoring it; you’re just too high up for it to block your view. Preserve your energy—every second spent “clapping back” is fuel you aren’t using for your own life. Protect your space; you don’t have to win the argument to win the day. When you decide someone is irrelevant to your peace, you’ve already won.

So, when the drama unfolds over nothing, stay in your lane. Enjoy the dance. Choose the high road—not because you’re “better” in a judgmental way, but because your lane is headed somewhere else entirely.

Letting go isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s the ultimate flex. It says: “You don’t have enough weight to pull me off my path.”

Stay big. Stay fast. Stay irrelevant to the noise.