#Unsettled

I have a close girlfriend who recently navigated a divorce and, like so many single adults today, eventually ventured out into the world of dating apps. She isn’t the type to go barhopping or try to meet people “out in the wild” organically, so the apps became her portal to the modern dating scene.

Over the past year, she’s met several people for coffee or dinner. One connection even blossomed into a mini-romance that lasted a few months. But as anyone who has swiped through these platforms knows, finding a genuine, real person is hard work. Maybe the apps are just too crowded, or maybe too many people are using them for the wrong intentions—seeking a quick hookup rather than a meaningful partnership. My friend, however, is truly looking for someone to share space with, to enjoy life with, and to build a real connection.

Naturally, this journey has brought its fair share of negative experiences. We try to meet for lunch a couple of times a month, and I always get the debrief on her latest dating escapade. For a long time, the narrative followed a predictable pattern: “I met this guy. He seemed nice. We went out for lunch, made plans for dinner, things got weird, and I blocked him.”

I used to tease her and call her the Queen of Blocking. She owned the title with a smile. But over the last year, I’ve noticed a profound shift in her approach. Her blocking has become less of a knee-jerk reaction and more of an art form.

It turns out, the block button wasn’t just a way to delete bad dates; it was a catalyst for her own self-discovery. With every boundary she drew, she was actively reflecting on her own wants and needs, firmly deciding what she will and will not tolerate. She realized, above all else, that she refuses to settle.

A few months ago, she met a man. It was a classic case of opposites attract. They disagreed on almost everything—politically, socially, philosophically—but the conversation was rich, exciting, and challenged them both intellectually. Yet, after a few dates, she blocked him, too.

Over lunch that week, I asked her why. Her response struck me: “I needed to take time for myself to process. I had to dig deep to see what I actually wanted without the noise of his perspective in my ear.”

Eventually, she unblocked him. She realized that not everyone on this journey has to be a soulmate; sometimes, people enter our lives simply because they are looking for a connection—someone to catch a movie with or enjoy live music with. There is hope that they might just become great friends.

Her experience made me look at the concept of boundaries in a much broader light. Personally, I have never blocked anyone—with the exception of those annoying spam calls. My default setting has always been the passive route: I simply stop engaging.

But it begs the question: What are we actively doing to protect our own mental peace? Are we setting hard boundaries, or are we just letting things fade into an uncomfortable silence? And just as importantly, are we listening when other people try to set their boundaries with us? That is the bigger picture. Can we take a hint? Sometimes we just need a little space.

What impressed me most about my friend’s latest encounter was that she didn’t just disappear into the digital ether. She actually took the time to text him and explain why she was hitting pause. She was articulate, eloquent, and deeply honest. She explained that she was on her own personal journey, that right now she required absolute peace, and that their interactions were no longer contributing to that peace.

It was a masterclass in emotional clarity. Whether they become friends, something more, or nothing at all in the future is out of her hands. But I am incredibly proud of her for recognizing what she needed and utilizing the digital tools at her fingertips to protect her emotional well-being.

Too often, we take for granted the tools we have to help us achieve the best, most peaceful versions of ourselves. Sometimes we allow the noise of the world to crowd our spaces because we feel guilty about shutting the door. Other times, we over-block out of fear, shutting out people and experiences that actually serve a purpose in our growth.

It’s a delicate balance, this art of protecting your soul.

So, I leave you with this question to ponder this week: What noise are you allowing into your life that you need to silence—and what are you currently blocking that you might need to let back in?